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Article Excerpt
This article contains a study of the experiences of middle-aged married women in Hong Kong and how they understand their own lives, marriages, and sexual relationships in relation to their social status as si-nais (housewives). In Hong Kong, middle-aged Chinese women living according to a "conventional" heterosexual life script are often called si-nai. The two characters mean "teacher" and "breasts." Whilst it was a term of respect for a teacher's wife in the 1960s and 1970s, in the 1980s and 1990s the label began to refer to housewives in resettlement estates, who were seen as economically unproductive. In twenty-first century Hong Kong, it has become a derogatory term that is reserved for middle-aged, married women who are seen by the general public to be ignorant, overweight, and "penny wise but pound foolish." These women are stereotyped as being tireless bargain hunters and rumor mongers who know of no higher goal in life than to please their husbands and make their children happy (Si-nai, 2006). Unsurprisingly, to be called a si-nai is now considered an insult. According to Rubin's (1984) categorization, the heterosexual, married, monogamous, reproductive si-nais in Hong Kong undoubtedly exist within the charmed circle and at the apex of the sexual hierarchy, but what are these si-nais" experiences of their apparently superior status on the sexual hierarchy?
In her 1984 essay "Thinking Sex," Rubin reviews a wide range of sexual stigmas and regulations, and she contends that people sort "good sex" from "bad sex" using a series of hierarchies. Rubin shows how the line between good sex--or normal sexuality--and bad sex--or damned sexuality--is continually constructed by the various discourses on sex, be they religious, psychiatric, popular, or political. These discourses delimit a very small portion of human sexual capacity as sanctified, safe, healthy, mature, legal, and politically correct. The types of sexuality that fall inside this "charmed circle" are heterosexual, marital, monogamous, reproductive, and noncommercial, and they should also be coupled, relational, within the same generation, and occur at home. Any sex that violates these rules is "bad," "abnormal," or "unnatural," and is banished to the outer limits of the circle. Bad sex could be homosexual, unmarried, promiscuous, nonprocreative, or commercial. Rubin also shows that there is another aspect to the sexual hierarchy: the struggle over where to draw the line and what other activities, if any, "may be permitted to cross over into acceptability" (Rubin, 1984, p. 282).
What is good, normal, natural, blessed sexuality? Are good, normal, natural heterosexual women privileged? Rubin (1984) argues that there are social privileges and concrete material benefits to being associated with social legitimation: "Individuals whose behavior stands high on this hierarchy [of accepted sexual practices] are rewarded with certified mental health, respectability, legality, social and physical mobility, institutional support, and material benefits" (p. 279) and this would seem to apply to Hong Kong's si-nais. But is it really the case?
In my earlier work, I looked at how Hong Kong Chinese women position themselves in relation to this stigmatized social category of si-nai (middle aged-housewives) and the prevailing norms and values regarding women's roles (Ho, 2008a, 2008b). I argue, in this article, that Rubin's idea of sexual identity and its relationship with good sex is an oversimplification of what is happening in many women's lives, and several questions need to be addressed: (1) What does Rubin mean by good sex? Is it about being seen as having a socially acceptable identity? (2) Do these women really feel that by having a socially respectable status they are socially respectable or truly valued by the community? Do they really feel privileged? (3) Do people who find themselves high in the hierarchy actually experience their sexuality as normal and blessed? What is the relationship between social acceptance and sexual pleasure? (4) What constitutes good, blessed sexuality for these married women: social acceptance and respectability, orgasm and bodily sensation, or achievement of other psychological and social aims?
Literature Review
While Rubin sees good sex as social respectability, there are other scholars who conceptualize good sex differently. One school of thought focuses on women's physical experiences and bodily sensations. The experience of orgasm, in particular, has become the sign of sexual competence and well-being both in medical discourse and popular women's magazines. It is believed to represent a "peak" sexual experience, a form of self-transcendence or self-actualization in humanistic terms (Bejin, 1986; Potts, 2000).
Another school of thought sees good sex as relationship and emotional intimacy. Feminist theory, in particular, has been relentlessly involved in exposing and subverting the valorization of male-centered versions of sex, including the imperative of orgasm via penetration (Jackson & Scott, 2001; Nicolson, 1993; Tiefer, 1995). These studies argue that women rarely describe orgasm in purely physical terms. It has become bound up with ideas of ecstasy and transcendence and associated with the romantic trappings of love and intimacy (Potts, 2000; Roberts, Kippax, Waldby, & Crawford, 1995) perhaps as a means of legitimizing the experience of orgasm for women. Many recent studies have suggested that social and emotional factors like the quality of people's relationships and lives are important in sexual satisfaction (Haavio-Mannila & Kontula, 1997; Hurlbert, Apt, & Rabehl, 1993; Parish et al., 2007; Ridley et al., 2006; Young, Denny, Young, & Luquis, 2000). Scholars like Ridley and Colleagues (2006) suggest that emotions, both positive and negative, are important in understanding how lust is experienced inside the person and in the relationship. Insufficient emotional intimacy is an important factor contributing to their lack of sexual desire, as women interpret sexual desire as a continuation of nonsexual intimacy (Basson, 2001a, 2001b, 2002). Women lose sexual desire when they feel disrespected, devalued, or degraded and when their partners use poor sexual techniques or have sexual problems of their own (Leiblum, 2002; Leiblum & Rosen, 1988). Wood, Koch, and Mansfield (2006, 2007) found that women conceptualized sexual desire as a whole-body feeling, including both emotional and physical aspects, either with a partner or alone.
The third school of thought focuses on the intertwining of reputation-based sexual identities with structurally patterned sexual geographies (i.e., the social spaces that shape sexual behavior). Hirsch, Meneses, Thompson, Negroni, Pelcastre, and del Rio (2007) found that culturally constructed notions of reputation in rural Mexico that led to sexual behavior designed to minimize men's social risk (threats to one's social status or relationships) actually increased married women's risk for HIV infection. Feminist scholars assert that human sexual embodiment can neither be thought of as an abstract potentiality outside the social spaces where it is experienced, nor as a mere assemblage of organs, orifices, and orgasms. Sexual practices and experiences have to be understood in social context, taking account of the everyday situatedness of sex as well as of wider socio-cultural processes (Jackson & Scott, 2001, 2007).
Along the same lines, this article explores how married women's sexual expression is affected by their sexual geographies and the wider social context. The socially respectable status of married women may inhibit or facilitate their sexual experiences and enjoyment of social privileges, depending on their specific social circumstances. Some women may deny their sexual urges even to themselves in order to maintain an appearance of "decency" and "respectability" and thus remain within the charmed circle and maintain their social status in the sexual hierarchy, while others may be inclined to break out of the confines of their social status to explore their desires. Thus, we can never assume that married women (or any social category) are privileged by virtue of their status on the sexual hierarchy.
Sex in Hong Kong--Small Expectations
Sexual satisfaction in Hong Kong is not high, either for men or women. This is demonstrated by the results of the 2007 Durex World Sex Survey, which questioned more than 26,000 people in 26 countries about all aspects of their sex lives, including satisfaction levels, it did not analyze the data by gender. Hong Kong did not fare well and was ranked twenty-fourth out of twenty-sixth areas in terms of sexual satisfaction (Durex World Sex Survey, 2007). Only 24% of the respondents from Hong Kong and China reported always experiencing an orgasm during sex, which is the lowest in the survey (48% worldwide). On average, 59% of respondents strongly agreed that sex was important to them, with the lowest rankings coming from Thailand (38%), Japan (39%), and Hong Kong (48%; Asians rate sex, 2007). Long working hours and a focus on materialism have a part to play. The Chinese injunction against boastfulness may also be a factor in these figures, but knowledge of Hong Kong culture suggests that the survey reflects reality.
In 2003, a survey by the Family Planning Association showed most married women in Hong Kong found sex boring:
Only 28 per cent of the 1,607 women questioned expressed both interest and satisfaction in their sex lives. By contrast, 52 per cent of the 1,147 husbands questioned said their sex lives met the same criteria. (Chow, 2003, para. 3 & 4)
This suggests that men can be interested in and satisfied by their own sex lives and not give a thought to whether their partners feel the same.
Many academics have talked about how sexual practices in Hong Kong have come under both traditional Chinese and Judeo-Christian influence (Ng & Ma, 2001; Tsang, 1987)....
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