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The 2008 Bum Steer Awards.

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You know it's been a weird year when Ron Paul runs for president and makes more sense than his Republican rivals. When Tom Craddick claims to have total power but a Speaker's race rages 24/7/365. When pro-life, gay-hostile, gun-friendly Rick Perry signs on with pro-choice, gay-friendly, gun-hostile Rudy Giuliani. When Kay Bailey Hutchison sounds as if she might really run for governor after all. When George W. Bush and Al Gore talk global warming in the Oval Office. When Karl Rove leaves the White House (don't come back, please). [paragraph] Sports was just as strange as politics. The Dallas Mavericks became the first top-seeded NBA team to lose to the bottom-seeded team in a seven-game playoff series. Bobby Knight did his best Dick Cheney impression, spraying pellets during two hunting trips outside Lubbock. The Houston Astros fired their general manager and manager and lost Craig Biggio to retirement; mainly, though, they lost--89 times. The woeful Texas Rangers set a major league record by scoring thirty runs in a game. Of course, they still finished last in their division. [paragraph] Of all the Bum Steer sagas that played out over the past year, however, none was stranger than that of the man ESPN called "dumber than a blocking sled." Yep, it's the Aggies' own Dennis Franchione. His $2 million salary evidently wasn't enough; he moonlighted as the author of a VIP newsletter, which he sent out by e-mail to 23 well-heeled boosters willing to pay $1,200 for inside dope about injuries and recruits. Unsportsmanlike conduct! When A&M learned of his other gig, the university had to report two rules violations to the NCAA. Even beating Texas two years in a row couldn't keep him in his job. Congrats, Coach Fran. You're the Bum Steer of the Year.

FUNNY, THE OPPOSITE HAPPENED TO REPRESENTATIVE PASSHOLE JONES

In the Texas House directory for the Eightieth Legislature, the listing for Representative Richard J. "Rick" Noriega, of Houston, added the letter p to the beginning of his nickname.

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TWO RONGS DON'T MAKE A WRITE

A caption accompanying a picture of Anna Nicole Smith in the Houston Chronicle noted, "The model could barely right a sentence."

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ALSO SAY? "WE FIND THE DEFENDANTS GUILTY OF CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE"

After it was discovered that ApotheCure, a Dallas compounding pharmacy, incorrectly formulated a medication that resulted in three patient deaths at an Oregon clinic, Gary Osborn, the owner of the company, said, "You know what people say, stuff happens."

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COMING UP AT TEN: SHE DOES FIVE

Cecelia Lynn Coy-Jones, a reporter for KCBD-TV, in Lubbock, was arrested for attempted aggravated kidnapping after lurking in the maternity wards of two Amarillo hospitals, because, she claimed, she was investigating how secure they were from would-be kidnappers.

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HAIRY CHRISTMAS!

A shopping mall, the Outlets at Conroe, hired a rock climber in a Santa suit to rappel down an eighty-foot sign and light a holiday tree, but he had to be rescued when his fake beard got tangled up in his climbing gear.

USUALLY A BAYLOR FOOTBALL COACH ISN'T RELIEVED UNTIL THE SEASON IS OVER

Baylor offensive line/tight end coach Eric Schnupp was cited for disorderly conduct and indecent exposure after relieving himself on the bar at Scruffy Murphy's, in Waco.

ILLEGAL CONTRACT ON THE HOME TEAM!

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terry Glenn filed a lawsuit against former Dallas Mavericks player Robert Pack, alleging Pack reneged on a deal to sell Glenn his house.

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SHOFAR, SO...