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Article Excerpt
Abstract: This research addresses the common stereotype that women complain more than men. Defining "complaint" as the expression of personal dissatisfaction resulting from a disconfirmation of expectancies, the researchers analyzed conversations from three mixed-gendered student writing teams. The results indicate that, while the men and women in this sample made equivalent numbers of complaints, they used complaints for different reasons. Women were more likely than men to use complaints as an indirect request for action, while men were more likely to use complaints to excuse behavior or to make themselves seem superior. Marginal differences were also found between the types of complaints African-American and European-American women uttered. These results may suggest that the stereotype that women complain more than men has less to do with the number of complaints uttered and more to do with the different functions men and women attempt to accomplish by complaining.
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When I ask men what they don't like about women, complaining frequently tops the list. Men tend not to complain, at least not about little things. They've been taught, since they were little boys, to be tough, to endure, to be stoic, to be unemotional, to hold it in, to be MEN. Basically, they've been taught that it's not manly to complain. Consequently, they have little tolerance for any kind of complaining, and especially whining.
--Kara Oh, author of Men Made Easy
This excerpt from a self-help website exposes a common stereotype: women are perceived as more likely to complain than men. Several researchers have confirmed that negative terms associated with complaining--such as nagging, bitching, and whining--are stereotyped as female behavior (Conway & Vartanian, 2000; Sotirin, 2000). Even when complaining is discussed as a positive interaction (for instance, complaining to communicate solidarity or empathy with another's problems), women are still perceived as complaining more than men (Boxer, 1996).
Is it really the case, though, that women are more vocal in expressing dissatisfaction than men? And, if so, does this norm hold true in public as well as private settings? Much of the research on gender and discourse has caused us to modify our assumptions about gender and language use--at least as they interact in semi-formal public settings such as classrooms or workplaces. For instance, it was once commonly believed that women are more loquacious than men. However, research in mixed-gendered settings has challenged this popular perception by finding that men speak significantly more often and are less likely to be successfully interrupted than women in formal settings (Anderson & Leaper, 1998; Graddol & Swann, 1989; Eakins & Eakins, 1978; Edlesky, 1981; West & Zimmerman, 1983) (1). Similarly, research on gender and tag questions has called into question Robin Lakoff's (1975) original assumption that women employ more qualifiers, hedges and tag questions in speech. Cameron, McAlinden and O'Leary (1989), for instance, found that the men in their sample actually employed more tag questions than women--although the ways in which men and women used tag questions differed. On the other hand, sometimes stereotypes are supported by research. For instance, Jefferson (2004) found empirical support for the belief that women laugh more than men as a form of conversational support.
The few studies that have specifically looked at gender and complaining have relied on either interviews investigating participants' general beliefs about gender and complaints (Boxer 1996) or else have relied on diary studies (Alicke et al 1992; Kowalski 1996). Kowalski (1996) describes one pilot study in which students kept notebooks where they recorded the gender of the speaker every time they witnessed a complaint. While this diary study did find more instances of complaining by women than men, this method is unreliable because the recorders' perceptions may have been biased: the same behavior or statement might possibly be perceived as complaining if originating from a woman, but a statement of fact if originating from a man. A more systematic investigation of complaining behaviors is thus needed to test stereotypes that link women to negative complaining behaviors.
What is a complaint?
Most people, when prompted to think about complaints, will probably imagine a direct complaint. Direct complaints are made against the talk's current recipient; they are potentially face-threatening acts that may have substantial negative repercussions for the speaker and hearer. Examples of direct complaints include a husband complaining about his wife's bathroom use (e.g., Laforest 2002), a student complaining to an instructor about a grade (e.g., Murphy & Neu 1996), or a customer complaining to a sales representative about a product (e.g., Hunt 1991).
Direct complaints, however, constitute a minority of complaining acts. Much more common are indirect complaints--expressions of dissatisfaction about oneself (e.g., "I'm tired") or someone or something not present (e.g., "It's really hot out today"). Indirect complaints are not necessarily face-threatening and may even have positive repercussions. For instance, indirect complaints can build solidarity, such as when strangers complain about the weather in order to start up a conversation or students complain about the difficulty of a class as a way of establishing camaraderie. Boxer (1993a) estimates that as many as 75% of indirect complaints may be rapport-inspiring. This does not, however, mean that such complaints do not also have negative consequences for speakers. Edwards (2005) describes the complicated linguistic moves speakers may utilize to avoid being stigmatized as a complainer or whiner. For instance, someone who constantly complains about the weather may come to be perceived as perpetually dissatisfied. Thus, even when complaints are indirect and intended to promote points of commonality, the speaker is in danger of being perceived negatively.
Gender is likely to confound the possibility that a complaint intended to promote solidarity will be perceived negatively. Men and women are commonly thought to have different discourse...
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