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Article Excerpt
I WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL because my parents didn't want to burn in hell for all eternity. The burn-in-hell option hadn't been on the table while we lived in Japan on Yokota Air Base, since there were no Catholic schools. But once the United States Air Force transferred us to someplace called Harlingen, Texas, and St. Anthony elementary was just a bike ride away, my parents had to do what Holy Mother Church required of all good Catholics: They had to send their offspring to Catholic school. [paragraph] Sure, I'd always been Catholic. Hadn't the bishop of Tokyo himself slapped me into frill membership in the one true church on my confirmation? Hadn't my family knelt in front of our statue of the Madonna and said rosaries to protect our father on his reconnaissance missions over Red China and the Soviet Union? Hadn't I owned up during my first confession, at the age of six, to breaking the Seventh Commandment, believing that being "impure in thought, word, or deed" encompassed literal lapses...
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