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Article Excerpt
Throughout the ages, love has both delighted and puzzled those in its thrall. People knew how wonderful it was to be in love and in a close relationship but had difficulty expressing the exact definition of that feeling. As Beilby Porteus wrote in the late 1700s, "Love is something so divine, Description would but make it less; 'Tis what I feel, but can't define, 'Tis what I know but can't express" (as cited in Aronson, Wilson, & Akert, 2002, p. 355). Despite Porteus's urging for us not to describe love, researchers have been determined to do just that. Hence, many psychologists developed assessment tools designed to measure love (Berscheid, 1988; Berscheid, Snyder, & Omoto, 1989; Hendrick & Hendrick, 1986; Lee, 1977; Rubin, 1970; Steinberg, 1986, 1997).
In the attempt to clarify and measure such an indefinable concept as love, researchers quickly encountered problems, and diverging viewpoints emerged. Some believed love was a unidimensional concept. For example, Lee (1977) hypothesized six different styles of love, explaining everything from friendship love (storge) to altruistic love (agape). However, others disagreed with this view, theorizing that love was a multidimensional concept. One of the most influential theorists to articulate the multidimensional point of view was Sternberg (1986, 1988, 1997), who developed a triangular model of love. According to this model, love comprises three dimensions--passion, intimacy, and commitment--that form the vertices of a triangle. Various combinations of the three components can describe six different kinds of love (e.g., liking), but Sternberg (1988) believed that consummate love, the most fulfilling kind of love, was created by the presence of all three.
The creation and refinement of measures of love and dose relationships were particularly useful to counselors in helping to enhance the relationships of couples, because it gave such professionals a concrete way to measure specific behaviors and feelings. The concept of intimacy in particular stood out as something worth examining. According to Sternberg's (1997) definition, intimacy seemed to be the crux of relationships. "Intimacy refers to the feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in loving relationships" (Sternberg, 1997, p. 315). As such, many counselors believed creating or solidifying intimacy within a loving relationship was one way to both maintain and enhance relationships (Napier, 1999; Prager, 1999; Schnarch, 2001). If intimacy is such an important part of love relationships and can be quantified, it seems that it would be important in the context of therapy. Couples having difficulty feeling close to one another or even couples just wanting to improve their relationship could be assisted in seeing what intimate behaviors and/or feelings were lacking and work on improving them. Responses to measures of intimacy could also be used in counseling to help each partner in a couple to discover what the other needs and wants in intimate interactions. Consequently, it is important to have the means to measure intimacy if it is to be an important aspect in counseling couples regarding their relationship.
THE COMPONENTS OF INTIMACY
Intimacy is a multidimensional concept that means different things to various people. This is especially true for individuals from different cultural backgrounds, because other cultures do not view intimacy as a necessity or even in the same way as it is viewed in the Western world (Hatfield & Rapson, 1993). Therefore, when discussing intimacy, the point of view from which it is being considered must be presented. The discussion of intimacy in this article is mainly from a Western, heterosexual, love dyadic point of view. Although much of what we discuss can be applied to other kinds of intimate relationships, including cross-cultural ones, the information presented herein should be viewed through such a lens.
Although opinions differ on a definition of intimacy, many theorists agree on the features that constitute an intimate interaction (Berscheid, 1985; Hatfield & Rapson, 1993; Levine, 1991; Prager, 1995, 1999). The first feature of intimacy most theorists identify is the presence of love and affection. As Berscheid (1985) pointed out, when people are aware that they are loved and liked, the risks associated with self-expression decrease, and they become more willing to open up and share their ideas and feelings. They know that people who show them love and affection will be much more receptive to their feelings and ideas than are people who do not care for them. Therefore, they rarely, if ever, confide in people who appear unconcerned or indifferent to them.
The second component of intimacy involves personal validation. One of the most exhilarating features of a loving relationship is the knowledge that someone loves, understands, and approves of you (Berscheid, 1985). Within such an atmosphere of acceptance, an individual feels free to open up. Thus, personal validation gives the person who is disclosing a sense of acceptance both of what is being said and of who they are. A third element of intimacy is trust. People have to know it is safe to disclose personal secrets. They have to be assured that their disclosure will remain confidential and their inner selves will not be laid bare before an uncaring world (Hatfield & Rapson, 1993).This willingness to disclose intimate details of one's life to people who are trustworthy is one reason why trust is such an important part, for example, of the counseling relationship.
A fourth ingredient of intimacy is self-disclosure. An intimate relationship cannot exist if the participants refuse to reveal parts of themselves. Self-disclosure encourages love, liking, caring, trust, and understanding (Hatfield & Rapson, 1993). The level of intimacy reached within a given relationship seems to depend on the kind of information disclosed. Descriptive self-disclosure, for instance, occurs when people tell the facts of their lives. This usually happens at the beginning of a relationship. In contrast, evaluative self-disclosure occurs when people reveal their deepest feelings. This becomes more prevalent as people begin to know each other well, because it is the expression of feelings that is crucial to dating and marital satisfaction. Another important aspect of self-disclosure involves the quality of disclosure each person contributes to the relationship. People tend to match each other in how intimate their disclosures are.
RELEVANCE OF INTIMACY TO HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND FUNCTIONING
Our society views intimacy as an important concept for several reasons. First, it is an important part of human development. In Erikson's (1959) psychosocial stages of development, intimacy versus isolation is the primary developmental task of young adults. An individual must meet her or his intimacy needs or she or he will be isolated. Erikson believed that it is only after a sense of identity has been established that real intimacy is possible. Without intimacy, people are unable to commit themselves to solid unions or to develop the moral energy to keep such commitments.
Second, intimacy is important because people go to great lengths to seek it out; it has intrinsic allure (Hatfield & Rapson, 1993). The reason behind this intrinsic appeal may be that having an intimate relationship with another person seems to fulfill a variety of psychological requirements. In Maslow's (1966) hierarchy of needs, the necessity for love and belonging occupies a central domain in the second level. Intimate relationships can satisfy this demand for love and belonging in a variety of ways. First, intimacy is a way to avoid loneliness. If one can turn to other people for support and nurturance, the isolating effects of loneliness can be circumvented (P. M. Brown, 1995). A second, more positive way of fulfilling needs is that it feels good to be intimate with another person. Intimate experiences can promote positive feelings about both oneself and another person, which may lead to feeling understood (Prager, 1995, 1999). A third way in which intimacy fulfills basic psychological needs is through the knowledge that one's needs will be fulfilled in the future (Ainsworth & Bowlby, 1991). Finally, intimate relationships fulfill the other central domain in Maslow's (1966) hierarchy---esteem. By providing a secure base and giving someone the validation, connection, and encouragement they need, intimate relationships enhance agentic needs, including the need for achievement, mastery, recognition, and self-esteem (Prager, 1995, 1999).
Another reason that intimacy is significant is because of its relationship to both psychological and physiological well-being. Several studies have concluded that difficulties with intimacy are closely associated with many mental health disorders (Levine,...
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