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Make parting less painful: mediating a family dispute without adding to parents' and children's distress takes sensitivity and tact. Here are nine common obstacles and tips to help smooth the way.

Article Excerpt
Family law cases are fraught with psychological factors that often make them much more difficult to mediate than the average civil lawsuit. To successfully resolve a contentious family law dispute, the lawyers and mediator must identify these factors and take steps to counteract them.

The following are common obstacles and approaches you can use to overcome them.

The 'hard-earned money' syndrome

Many family law contests divide property accumulated through the labors of one party, and that party is often reluctant to part with the property in question. For example, a spouse who worked for years to build a family business will often be less willing to part with some or all of it than one who did not work in the business.

In a mediation, techniques to diminish the impact of one party's intractability on this issue include the following:

* If a party is psychologically or emotionally attached to an asset, suggest a settlement in which that party buys out the other party's interest in the asset.

* Suggest that the mediator point out the practical advantages of settling--that is, if the parties do not settle, more hard-earned money will be spent unnecessarily on attorney fees and other litigation expenses. (See the pie charts on page 45.) This approach is appropriate in almost all the situations described below. This message should come from the mediator.

The custody/visitation dispute

In most civil cases, only dollars are in dispute. But the expression "it's only money" does not apply to cases in which child custody or visitation is an issue. Custody and visitation disputes can be the most difficult to settle. Specific techniques for resolving them include the following:

* Suggest deferring discussion of the custody and visitation issues in hopes that, over time, the ill will between the parties will subside and they will be able to work out a schedule without a court order. If your client is willing to defer these issues, urge the mediator to inquire into whether the other side also is willing. If so, the parties can agree to a court order simply stating that the child will "spend a reasonable amount of time with each...

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