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Aftermath of disaster: effects on mental health professionals.

Article Excerpt
I sat down without really noticing, wrapping the blanket around me as I slid to the end of the couch so that I could lean on the arm. I remained motionless; the time I sat was endless. I didn't remember when I sat down or how long I stayed there. There was no passing of time; there was only infinite, wordless space. Flashes of scenes kept rolling through my head like a slide show, and I couldn't make them stop or change them. I was suffering terribly, but I couldn't stop it or change its path. I sat for hours and days and weeks, trying to make sense of the horrors I had encountered. The image of the decapitated, dismembered bodies could not be erased from my memory. The silver tray of heads left behind a constant reminder of the victims' last moments of terror. Burned and blackened arms were reaching out as if they wanted someone to pull them from the plane, an image that joined forces with the others and haunted my nightmares.

This wasn't my first mass fatality; I had worked at others as a disaster mental health professional, but this one was the most intense. The heat was unbearable; it rained an inch a day and the moisture hung in the air. My clothes were wet the moment I put them on, and they stayed wet from sweat all day. The crash site was muddy and steep. The area around the plane had burned and was clear of vegetation, but jungle growth was thick around the perimeter. You didn't dare reach out to grab at a plant if you slipped because the swordgrass would tear open your hand like the blade of a knife.

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Young military personnel were swarming around trying to find body fragments or personal effects. They had on full Kevlar (which is plastic-coated and doesn't breathe), and their gloves were duct-taped to their wrists. The work conditions were so difficult that they worked for a short time and then were permitted to rest before they went out again. As they picked up personal effects from the ground, one of the men held up a baby shoe...

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