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Taking care of grieving through poetry: memories of palliative care's presence or absence.

Article Excerpt
Families navigate loss of loved ones in a number of ways, including the creation of narratives of family experiences during the patient's illness and death. Robinson (2004) suggests that grieving family members create poetry together. Using a version of this method, the author processes losses by responding to the poems her husband wrote about the illnesses and deaths of a friend and several family members. Each poem is followed by a letter in which the author addresses the main character of the poem in order to provide new perspectives on her identity and her memories.

Keywords: grieving process, narrative, palliative care

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Kruse (2004) described the grieving that occurs during the dying process as "an open process that both the dying person and their family and caregivers co-create" (p. 216). Because of the complexity of suffering at this time and the relational character of loss, according to Schmidt (2001) "We can only emotionally and spiritually navigate a loss of that kind; it will not go away" (p. 116). Purnell (2003) agreed with Schmidt that part of this navigation involved naming what is happening as well as what has happened. Purnell said, "While naming of one's life experience or story shapes a knowing of identity and soul, it also works to bring healing following crises" (p. 70). The method suggested by Robinson (2004) was for families to read and/or create poetry together. Likewise, Gadow (2000) explained that poems can express suffering precisely because they are "relational narratives" (p. 91).

In light of these ideas, I decided to attempt to process a series of illnesses and deaths in my family by responding to the poems my husband Howard Stein wrote about these events. With the encouragement of a class about the variety of ways people process death, I chose a number of poems and then wrote letters to each loved one whom Howard had so thoughtfully described. I subsequently shared both letters and poems for a class project. In this way, I created what Purnell (2003) called a "sacred space" in which the identities of both survivors and their cherished memories could change. So that they could mingle with us, I brought pictures of my loved ones to pass around the table.

THE POEMS AND LETTERS

I begin with "Imperfect Leaf" (Stein & Levine, 2003, p. 7).

Neither yellow, nor golden Nor deep-flaming red; Torn, leathered, shriveled, Brown-freckled instead. Irregular, worm-eaten, An aesthete's raw grief; I speak on behalf of An imperfect leaf.

Dear Ray,

I speak on behalf of you, Ray. The first time I met you--the great ethicist Raymond S. Duff, there you were in your hospital bed, fiat out and just devastated, but gracious to me all the same. First the stroke and then that broken hip. After that mostly I saw you only pontificating or stopping just long enough to take a pee in the bottle, both enthroned and trapped in your lazy boy in your living room. One arm splinted and dead, the other flailing or reaching over to your bookcase or table to press on me one more book or paper, that mind of yours swarming in ideas, while your heart trembled in sorrow and fury. Then, of course, you were also a sight down...

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