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Sexual insistence and disliked sexual activities in young adulthood: differences by gender and relationship characteristics.

Article Excerpt
When partners differ in their desire for sexual activity, conflict may ensue until one partner prevails. The partner who does not want sex may avoid the activity by using tactics ranging from gentle persuasion to firm refusal. Alternatively, the couple may engage in sexual activity because the partner who does not want to does not express that preference and instead complies with the other partner's desires, is pressured into consenting or is forced to have nonconsensual sex.

The concept of consensual versus nonconsensual sex should not be confused with that of wanted versus unwanted sex. (1) A person may want sex but may have reasons not to consent--for example, he or she may feel that it is too early in a relationship to have sex. Or a person may have unwanted but consensual sex for a variety of reasons, such as to maintain a sense of intimacy with his or her partner, satisfy his or her partner, or avoid interpersonal tension. Both men and women commonly report that they have consented to unwanted sex. (1,2)

Voluntary participation in a sexual activity may entail a range of feelings about the activity, from extreme distaste to great desirability. For example, the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth asked 15-24-year-old women who described their first sexual intercourse as voluntary to also describe how they felt about that activity. Only 37% said they had really wanted that activity to happen, while most said they had had mixed feelings. (3) For 7% of the women, their first voluntary sexual intercourse was unwanted altogether. Thus, some young adults participate in unwanted sexual activities that are not forced. These activities may be the result of pressure or more subtle coercion from the partner. Alternatively, individuals may freely consent to unwanted activity because of a desire to please their partner or because of their own beliefs about what is expected or is "supposed to happen" in a romantic relationship. This study focused on first sexual intercourse, but other sexual activities (e.g., nonvaginal activities and intercourse beyond the first time) are also likely to result in a range of subjective judgments by participants, such as whether the activity was liked or disliked. These activities should be included in studies of how desirable sexual activities are to those who participate in them.

Freely consenting to unwanted sex is associated with both positive and negative outcomes. It can provide satisfaction to the partner and avert relationship tension, but also lead to emotional and physical discomfort. (2) When the motivation for consenting to unwanted sexual activity is the hope of obtaining a positive outcome, such as partner happiness or increased intimacy, an individual's well-being and relationship quality are relatively high; however, when the motivation is the wish to avoid a negative outcome, such as conflict or the loss of the partner, well-being and relationship quality are relatively poor. (4) In addition, consenting to unwanted sex is associated with a history of sexual victimization. (5)

When a person pressures or coerces a partner into consenting, avoidance motivations likely play a role in the partner's consent. The partner's resistance may be evident in anything from a subtle withdrawal and nonparticipation to verbalized refusal and physical struggle. While all of these situations involve some level of coercion, they clearly vary in intensity and may or may not ultimately involve the consent of both partners.

Both men and women experience sexual insistence (pressure or coercion) within established romantic relationships. (6-13) In a study conducted among college students, 58% of men and 78% of women said that their partners had employed some tactic to press for sex even after they had refused; 43% and 26%, respectively, reported having used such tactics themselves. (13) Nonphysical pressure and coercion tactics have also been tied to a greater willingness to use force to obtain sex and to acceptance of myths about interpersonal violence and rape. (14,15)

Although studies on sexual behavior often focus on characteristics of individuals, sexual activity usually takes place within couples, which provide a psychosocial context for such behavior and decision making. Interdependence theory assumes that if individuals remain in a relationship, they must consider even low-quality outcomes within the relationship at least marginally better than alternatives outside the relationship. (16) However, the success of a person's behavior in influencing the quality of outcomes depends in part on his or her relative control within the couple, so each partner's desires or intentions might not have equal power over the outcomes. Strong feelings of love for a partner may make a person reluctant to risk disrupting the relationship, and perceptions that love is unequal in the relationship may' change how much control each partner has. Thus, individuals with strong feelings of love may be more likely than others to report disliked sexual activities and may be less likely to terminate relationships after instances of partner insistence.

Gender roles and expectations also may influence individuals' perceived level of control over different types of activities. Young people may develop sexual "scripts," or elaborate sets of ideas regarding sexuality and their sexual roles, which serve as guidelines for what types of sexual behaviors are appropriate for which people with which partners. (17,18)...

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