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The perfect infestation.

Article Excerpt
THIS IS THE BEST IDEA WE'VE ever had. Not that there aren't some problems to it. It's the perfect disguise. Creep in the ear and take over the world. But don't bother with the opposable-thumb creatures. That's where most other takeovers made their big mistake.

We keep telling our young seeds not to be tempted by thumbs. Those creatures' lives are thankless. Full of wars and work. All sorts of problems. More anxiety than you'd want. We wouldn't wish that kind of a life on any of our kind even while waiting for the takeover. You young ones might as well enjoy your confinement in a happy host. Not only that, a host that gets looked after all its life.

What you want is fun and play and getting stroked and patted. Opposable thumb beings don't get much of that--not that they don't like it just as much as any creature. What you want is getting patted but also having teeth.

Don't take on the characteristics of your hosts. If you do, you'll feel loyalty you shouldn't feel. You should be loyal only to your own kind. Don't ever forget your breezy blowing relatives. Don't worry about getting found out as you take over. If the opposable-thumb creatures spot you, they'll take you for a floating dandelion seed.

On the other hand, you shouldn't waste too much time getting ready. We have to take over before these creatures completely destroy their world.

Feel no jealousy for thumbs. You don't need them. You'll have other abilities.

Later, when the signal for the takeover comes, it'll be so high the thumb creatures won't hear it. That's another good reason for this host we picked out especially for you.

It's a pretty good world. So far. But you have to be careful. You mustn't seem too smart. Be sure you don't do anything that isn't native to the species we've selected.

So spread out, waft down, and take over.

I went for a small cute host. I was in the mood for fun. It had been a long hard voyage in cramped quarters. It was good to go off by myself.

I like my host so much I don't think I'll ever want to give him up. I wonder if I'll have to at the end. He's mostly white with one ear up, the white one, and one black floppy ear.

I want to look straight into the opposable-thumb people's eyes. I want to smell their crotches. I want to get a pat or two--see what that's like.

The only trouble is, my host is in the wrong part of town. I don't want to be cared for by just anybody. Of course right now it's raining and you'd think I'd take what I can get, but if we're going to take over the world, why not do it from the top down? Why not begin with the rich so we can pass the waiting time in luxury? But for that you have to be in the rich part of town....

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